I came back from Maine last night with a ring on my finger, hugged my family as they beamed with excitement and my mom exclaiming "hello Fiancée!!!" in a volume louder than my ears could handle (I don't like loud things when I'm tired), set my things in my room, and sat on my bed. With Kyle on a plane back to Houston, and Melody by the Pacific Ocean, I felt incredibly lonely and sad and cried as I texted Melody all in caps about how Kyle's glass of water was still by my bed, and my caps lock conversation with Melody went on for a little while until my mom gave me a much needed hug and reminded me it gets better - she was in the same place I was in. My dad lived in Denmark, and she lived in Switzerland.
It's strange, being countries apart, yet feeling a oneness with another human being you're building a home with. Since before Kyle and I even started talking, I knew he was the only person I ever saw myself sharing my life with. And once we started talking, we were writing novels to each other like we were catching up on chapters missed. And then we were counting down the days till we saw each other for the first time, and even by that point we both knew we were meant for one another. And as the days go by, our hearts keep growing deeper as one and it amazes me. I am amazed by the depth of human relationship, the intertwined friendships and the extensions of ourselves with a lover. We are all home makers, roots planted in something. We choose the wallpaper, the width of our windows and the height of our walls. We're also home dwellers, dwelling in the presence of other people's homes. And maybe someday you'll find someone to build a home with, and you'll have to put your whole heart and soul and spirit into it. And even if you don't, you are a marvellous home maker, with so much to give and take.
I leave for a flight in 8 hours to shoot my band's (www.sonagur.com) second music video for our next single release, and then fly back on friday to celebrate my best friend's birthday and photograph a wedding on Sunday. It's all really exciting things, yet, at the same time, nothing feels right without the one I love by my side. Apart, yet united. It'll be a relief when I get to see my sister and friends once I'm off the plane, I'm so grateful for the people that support me and love me even when it may not look like support or love. I'm amazed by my Creator who loved me first, and bridged the gap between division and unity.
Apart / United, this is the push and pull I feel with my God and my love. Soon, the waiting will be no more.